An unscripted series · 8 episodes · 0 episodes filmed
He finds the house. He cannot afford the house.
He buys the house anyway.
Hosted by COLTON ARMSTRONG — general contractor of his own life
Not affiliated with any network, cable provider, streaming service, or bank willing to lend to us.
Meet your host
Colton Armstrong has been flipping houses across Texas since roughly last spring. He has never finished one. He has started nine. Every single time, he says the same thing while walking through a home with visible sky in it: “Okay. This has bones.”
He is not a licensed contractor. He is not an unlicensed contractor either — that would require someone to have hired him. What Colton has is enthusiasm, a reciprocating saw he still owes his cousin money for, and an unshakable belief that this next one is the one that turns it all around.
“Everybody wants to talk about my budget. Nobody wants to talk about my vision. My vision is free. That's the whole problem.” — Colton Armstrong, standing in a house with no floor
The ensemble
None of these people have been paid. Several of them do not know they are on a show.
General Contractor
Dale is currently at the hardware store. Dale has been at the hardware store since Tuesday. Every episode features a segment where Colton calls Dale and Dale says he is “ten minutes out.” A running on-screen clock tracks this. In the finale it reaches 41 hours.
Design Lead
Classically trained. Wildly overqualified. Works exclusively in seventeen shades of greige and once wept openly at a peel-and-stick backsplash. Quits an average of 2.3 times per episode and comes back every time because, and this is a direct quote, “somebody has to stop him.”
Property Inspector (uncredited)
Randy is a raccoon who lives in the attic of every house we buy. We have confirmed it is a different raccoon each time. Colton refuses to accept this. Randy has been written into the show as a recurring character and is currently the only member of the crew with an agent.
Executive Producer
Fronted $400 and a casserole dish and has never let anyone forget it. Holds an executive producer credit, full creative veto, and the only working key to the storage unit. Her notes on the pilot were: “Get a haircut” and “Where is my dish.”
Antagonist
Appears in the doorway at the exact moment things are going well. Has never once said a full sentence. Communicates entirely through a clipboard, a slow head-shake, and a single sharp inhale through the teeth. Fan favorite. Test audiences love this guy.
Director of Photography
Kev is Colton's neighbor. Kev has a phone. Kev shoots everything vertically and will not be told otherwise. Kev's contract is a text message that reads “yeah bet.” Kev is, genuinely, the most reliable person on this production.
Season one
Air dates listed as TBD, where TBD stands for “To Be Determined by somebody with money.”
Recurring bits
Colton says this in every episode, always while standing somewhere you can see the sky through the ceiling. Drink responsibly.
A dry-erase board tracking the renovation budget. It is wiped clean and rewritten upward an average of six times per episode. In episode five it is simply thrown away.
An on-screen counter that starts the moment Dale says he is ten minutes out. It has never reset. It is now a season-long arc.
A cold-open where the crew reveals what was discovered inside a wall. Highlights: a boot, 1970s currency, a second wall, and one (1) live animal.
Aunt Peggy reviews footage from her recliner and delivers unsolicited executive feedback. Her most common note is simply the word “no.”
The homeowner walks in and reacts to the finished renovation. We have not yet reached this segment. It exists in the outline. It is very good in the outline.
The numbers
Every flip on this show is run through the same rigorous financial model that Colton uses in real life, which is to say the actual renovation cost is whatever you guessed multiplied by the Texas Reality Multiplier™, a constant we determined by crying.
Model has been independently reviewed by Aunt Peggy, who said it was “a lot of numbers for a boy with no job.”
It's got bones.
Critical acclaim
All quotes are real. All quotes were obtained without consent.
“I have not seen this.”
“Who gave you this number?”
“★★★★★ — best show on television”
“Please stop tagging us in things.”
“Is the raccoon okay?”
“Honestly? I'd watch it.”
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Call to action
You do not need to be a network. You do not need to have money. Honestly at this stage the bar is that you have to be a person who exists. Leave your name below and you will be added to the official production list, which is a spreadsheet, which Colton checks daily, alone.
NO SIGNAL
Kev filmed it vertically. The editor quit. The footage is on a phone that is currently in a bucket of rice for reasons related to episode three.
In lieu of a trailer, please imagine a slow drone shot over a Texas subdivision, a truck door slamming, and a man saying “this one's different.”
Fine — greenlight it anyway